Hi, my name is Max and I need some human attention.

Today I wanted to talk about absolutely everything that's been going through my head lately. I don't know how this is going to work, so let's just pretend we're two unemployed aunts gossiping while having coffee. Well, speaking of unemployment, I am unemployed, lol. Yes, I'm currently unemployed, but I'll need to find my own job soon, and that makes me anxious, yk? I can barely talk to anyone irl without trying to turn everything into a joke. I do that with my own feelings too, because if I don't turn everything into a joke all the time, how am I going to deal with the pressure from my own mind? I'm quite anxious right now because I'm feeling a bit nauseous and I don't want to throw up again, so I'm doing my best to calm down and not throw all up. You might be thinking I need to see a doctor, well, maybe. But it's very difficult for me to find emotional balance, because the last time my mother took me to the doctor, she (the doc) said I had nothing wrong and that I was just an anxious hypochondriac who wasn't under the poperly medication, lol. (Now I'm taking the right medication for anxiety, always prescribed by my psychiatrist, don't worry.) But the problem is that I don't know when I'm exaggerating and being a hypochondriac or when I really need to seek help. I'm extremely hypochondriac; anything makes me think I only have a few days. But I don't think it's anything serious, I think I just drank too much water and now my stomach is full of liquid. I mean, it's better than being dehydrated, I guess... Drink water, yall! Also, updates on my sleep routine: I'm having a bit better sleep routine now. Well, I know it's already 2 AM as I write this, but I'm already becoming sleepy. Currently, I'm going to bed before 3 AM and waking up between 11 and 12 AM. It's not that early, I know! But i was going to bed at fckn 8 AM and wake up at 3 PM! So... little by little, maybe I'll be able to establish a stable sleep routine. It's always been like this: there were times when my routine was great, I had dinner at a good time, went to bed at a regular time and woke up early, even without have any commitment, and times when I struggled af to stay awake during the day, going to bed when the birds were already singing and waking up when the sun was almost gone. I have really, REALLY annoying problems with my mood. I have some moments of deep depression that can last a long time, and some peaks of euphoria that make me act more impulsively and stupidly than usual. That's why I'm seriously considering the possibility of having bipolar disorder. I think I should discuss this with my therapist at my next session. And using this topic to pull another hook... How about a story about people that time forgot?? (I hope that's the right name, Jesus, that's a big ass name! And I was the one who named it, btw, lol). Well, as I said before, an artist with a vivid mind has a wonderful blessing that is also a curse, it's the constant creativity. This means that my head is always full of new concepts and ideas, and that's why I have so many unfinished stories in my personal files, lol... So, it may take a while, but chapter three will come, chill out! I'm also struggling to finish the damn premise of the story I've been rewriting since 2023, but I always end up procrastinating. God, have patience with me, because I myself have none! But despite having so many problems with anxiety and wanting to bring all my ideas to life at the same time, I think I'm capable of organizing myself and finishing a story one day, and that day isn't too far away, I can feel it! And what about my personal and unhealthy problems with other trans guys? Oh, wait... didn't I mention that? Shit, that's a topic for another day! I have so much to talk about, it's a topic that makes me uncomfortable. I don't like having internalized prejudices, it's fucking with my life, but I'll still unravel everything in another entry, from when it started and what I'm trying to do to solve my problem. And any media I've consumed recently and enjoyed? Hmm... actually, not much new stuff. I watched a bit of Gachiakuta a while ago and thought it was pretty cool. Nice art style, open criticism of capitalism, nice character design, cool concepts, yes, it has a lot of potential. The first few episodes didn't captivate me much, but I'm sure that can change as I watch more. I also watched the first two episodes of Link Click, aka sad ass chinese anime. I liked the rhythm, though it sometimes made me a little sleepy. Interesting concepts, engaging premise, but I have some criticisms to make. First, I haven't yet connected with the two protagonists, and I don't even remember their names tbh, lol. But fineeee, I've only watched two episodes, so I won't judge yet! And it's a bit confusing to understand some concepts; I felt like I was watching Jujutsu Kaisen again, because I had to rack my brain to understand all that time travel stuff. But there are openly saphic characters, so that's already a positive point. And what about the other anime that, coincidentally, also has a boy with black hair and a boy with white hair (I think it just makes a good match, lol), which I won't name because I'm still recovering from the punch on stomatch this anime is? it's peak, that's all I can say without falling into tears. Enough updates for today, folks! I'm a little sleepy. I tried not to be too negative in this entry, hope it worked, Idk... let me know! And yeah, I'm feeling better now. My nausea was gone while I was writing this, seems like it was just a matter of waiting for my stomach to settle a bit. Stay hydrated and love your fucking selves.


(This iconic phrase belongs to Drama Kween, btw, check out her channel later, she's awesome, lol.)